Take for instance, driving school.
Back in 2010, I wrote about how I was blessed with a ticket for driving 50 in a 30. Well, it wasn’t as bad this time, but back to driving school I was required to go.
I didn’t learn as much this time around, but it was a great refresher on things I had learned before like inattention blindness, delayed acceleration, and updating outdated information.
This go around, what driving school taught me about marriage was more about aggressiveness in drivers, personalizing people, resistance and adjusting your speed based on the weather.
Lets talk about those for our marriages.
What makes you mad in the car? People who don’t use turn signals? Those who turn into the wrong lane? Slowing…down…to … a … complete …. s t o p to make a turn?
Instead of getting aggressive, our instructor gave some great examples of ways to lighten up behind the wheel.
Make Yourself Laugh – it eases tensionDeep Breathing – getting good deep breathes helps clear your mind and slows down your heart rate“Act Like” a calm driver – sometimes you have to ‘fake it til you make it’ – what would a calm person do?Release the person from aggravating you and don’t hold a grudge or look to retaliateQuack like a duck – This was part of make yourself laugh, but it worked for one of her students
If you are getting upset at your spouse, all of these techniques would work well to help ease some of the tension. Quacking like a duck just might become a ritual in your house
What has that other person who cut you off gone through today? Are they racing to the hospital because their child has just been in a horrible accident? Were they just let go from work? Were they yelled at by their spouse?
You don’t know what other people in other vehicles are going through, so give them some slack and don’t be so eager to get back at them if they do something wrong to cause you an inconvenience in your vehicle.
For our relationships, this is a great reminder when things get heated. Sometimes we fight to ‘win’, instead of realizing that our spouse is a flesh and blood person who has feelings and has been through their own experiences that influence their behavior. Instead of just yelling and trying to win, find a way to compromise and get to a win for both spouses. Empathy is what we need. Looking at life from anothers perspective.
Along those lines, our teacher had us stand and pick a partner. We stood palm to palm, and one of us was to push the others hand. She didn’t tell us how to respond, but do what comes naturally. Many people in class resisted
the pushing from their neighbor. Many pushed back. Only two people in our class of 14 let the other person push their hands away without resistance.
This is so good for us in our relationships. If there is no resistance, there is no fight. I’m not saying don’t stand up for yourself. I’m saying to pick and choose your battles. Its been proven that about 65 percent of everything we fight about as couples will never be resolved. So why fight about it any more? Agree to disagree on some things and learn to adjust to each other.
When the weather gets bad, like rain and ice, drivers are urged to not drive the speed limit, but go slower, and adjust to those who might be traveling at a slower pace. In Tennessee during nasty weather, if you don’t adjust your speed, you could get a ticket. Go figure.
We also have to adjust ourselves to our spouse. You have to learn to pick and choose when to have conversations, you need to develop a long term vision for your marriage, to be ok if she denies you tonight because you’re still going to be married tomorrow. Instead of getting locked up in the moment, learn to adjust to your spouse and enjoy the ride!
Do any of these principles ring true to you and your spouse?
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